I had pictured a saint.
Someone baked to perfection
And served to me on a silver platter.
He could have fooled me with those
Wings.
He was
Everything I had hoped for.
Or maybe
I had hoped for
Everything in him.
His flirtatiousness
I saw
As personality.
His arrogance
I saw as shyness.
Self-deception always seem
The best way out.

*

Daddy's Girl

I think I used to have a dad
When I was younger
He would bring us kite-flying
And have picnics in the park
The picture-perfect family
So close then to my heart

Somehow somewhere along the lines
I lost my dad to her
He didn't take us anywhere
He didn't come home much
And when he did
He didn't talk
And if he did
He didn't say much

Sometimes at night I wonder
This girl who stole my daddy's heart
Who she is and what she's liked
But no, I couldn't love her
For mummy's in my heart
And even if one day she was gone
Mummy will always be

*

Sister

Look in the mirror -
Trace
The outline of your reflection
With your fingertips.

Oh sister, sister!
You have far more self-worth than you think you do
And I adore you!

We're all lost
In a maze
Of never-ending races
And who shall win today?

We're all tangled
In a web of deceit
And who shall hate who more today?

*

You treat me with such callousness
In all your legion of female followers -
I am but one faithful fan
undeterred by your hostility and indifference towards me.

I will run
I hate, HATE running!
I will steal
I will beg
But no, I will not kill
For that authentic autographed picture of you.

And as I come now
To kiss your feet
And worship the ground that you walk on
Do not reject me
Let me revel in your six-foot of gorgeusness.

*

(dedicated to Adelin)

My friend - today I thank you,
For all the joy you bring,
The fun and all the laughter,
The lovely songs you sing.
Your little tokens of love,
The hugs and all the kisses,
My frequent change of crushes,
Fatal or near-misses!
Your shoulder for me to cry on,
When I'm down or feeling blue.
The times I go a tad too far,
And you told me "Play it cool!"
What will I do without your smile,
The bad puns and the jokes?
Go down the Hall of Embarrassment,
The burps, the farts, the croaks!
Tonight, my friend, I racked my brains,
To make an ode to you.
For no where else on Earth I'll find,
A friend so dear and true!

*

Hey you mister, standing at the door,
What is it you're worried about?
Put your fears in a box and place it on a shelf,
For tomorrow will worry for itself.

*

Monday Afternoon

I'm swamped
With Boredom.
I grope around for the remote control,
But there's never anything good on TV.
It's a sweeping statement,
I know -
But there's nothing good on TV.
You call
And how am I suppose to tell you
I don't feel like talking?
So I shut my mouth
And there you go, on and on.
I'm not really listening,
And you don't seem to notice.
I'm teetering on the edge,
I don't feel like talking,
But you't seem to notice anyway.

*

Dream

To drift from unconsciousness to the unknown
When all your daytime fantasies
Take its place on stage
And you pick the leads.

*

me -
the perfect picture of imperfection
an ugly smile plastered on a weathered face
a figure endowed in all the wrong places
hair in awkward clumps
falling across my pimpled forehead
taking tomboyish struts towards

you -
the covergirl model
an impish grin slowly spreading across
that fair cherubic face
that everyone can't get enough
a curve enough to make them blush
silky hair the colour of roasted chestnuts
cascading down your shoulders

your dainty steps grace the surroundings.

*

Of all the great things I can do
There are many others I can't

I'd love to fly
Soar high
Above the clouds
And watch
As slowly
Everything becomes a mere speck in my sight

I'd love to run
Not care
About lethargy
That hits me
Everytime I try
And all I can feel is the wind against my face

*

thoughts on a train ride

I went home alone today.
Is it the beginning of many lonely moments?
I turn and look around.
People standing
Solitary
Watching the world pass by
Oblivious to everyone staring.

*

Your poetry
Astounds me
They're so full of words
I'm always at a loss for

Your mannerism
Puts me to shame
They're so full of grace
My parents failed to instill in me

My poetry
So ordinary
I never have much to say
Needless to say
I never have much to write

But they're all mine

*

And as he turned his face around
That charming smile
Slowly spreading across
That flawless face,

My heart stops.

And as he tilts his head slight up,
Brushing his plastic protractor
Against his chin,

My heart stops.

And as his eyes meet mine
For that fleeting moment,
Countered with my looking away -
Embarrassed,

My heart stops.

I should have been dead by now.

*

Mixed Signals

Tell me
What it means
When you call me your little sister
And then my dear
When you talk to me till 5 a.m.
Or have we been that near?

Tell me
What it means
When you turn your back on love
And laugh it all away
When it's all yours to keep
But you still wait another day.

*

Dead cat in the alley
And nowhere else to go

Passers-by indifferent
Solitude
And winter's cold

Dead cat in the alley
And nowhere else to go

*

I curse you, Dad
I curse you now
I curse you and your stupid phone
I curse your ears
I hope they rot

Or at the very least -

I hope the phone gets so attached
You have to get it surgically removed.

And I curse you, Dad
I curse you now

I loved you then
I hate you now

I curse you
Curse you
Curse you

The end.

*

Fading

I think I'm fading
Slowly but surely
I don't talk much anymore
I don't feel like anything

I think I'm fading
I think I'm fading
Do you see the trail I left
Do you feel the loss

In my empty house
The memories occupy the void
And outside the window
I think I see myself
Smiling and happy again

I think I'm fading
Do you still see me
Do you still see the look in my eyes
Like I'm losing all I had

I think I'm fading
Into oblivion
But the world goes on and on
And round and about

In my empty house
The memories occupy the void
And outside the window
I think I see myself
Smiling and happy again

I think I need someone
To colour in my shades of grey
To draw an outline
Leave a trace
I think I'm fading

*

I let you run
Your fingers through
And messy my hair

I let your fingers slide
Like ski on slopes
And make its way down

I let you lean close
Breath upon my neck
And weaken me with a touch

I let you hold up my head
And look me in the eye
Tell me tenderly
Say with such conviction
(I tremble at the thought)
That -
You love me

I let you loose
And you must be tired
Running through my mind

And I smile myself silly
For it's you
Yes, you
Starring in my dream tonight

*

There's nothing wrong
With a little candlelight
And a bottle of wine

There's nothing wrong
With being melancholic

I think sometimes -
Just sometimes,
I like to be alone
Even feel a little sad

There's nothing wrong
With a little insanity
A little glitch in life

There's nothing wrong
With being me
Even if it doesn't turn out right

*

Oh mess me up
Inside out
Tell me what is wrong
It's just too easy to pretend
And give that ambiguous smile
Oh fuel me with passion
Driven by love of hate
For you
Oh life

*

I hate the stupid things you do

Like ordering only ice-cream at dinner
And leaving early
"On a cigarette break"
When we all know -

You're going to call her

Or sitting on the couch
Whispering into your phone
Disguising your weapon of betrayal with a towel
Like we don't already know -

You're talking to her

So leave us dad
Leave us for The Other Woman
Prove me right
Serves you right

*

Longing

I.
Everyone is hooking up,
Even the most unpredictable ones have proven their worth.
I look at my reflection on my plastic watch face,
A blurred shadowy image fails to show its face.
I sit and wonder if this is what other make of me.
A mere player who sits out during all the games
And joins in the celebration -
A bum.

II.
I have soft red hair that curls out nicely at the edges,
Long slender fingers with healthy shiny nails,
A small pouty mouth.
My legs are not that bad too.
So why?
Why don't anyone pick me?
The unique face in the sea of masses -
I am an individual.

III.
I melt at your touch.
Every inch of me feels weak
And everything in the vicinity doesn't matter anyone.
No, not even my wallet brimming with crispy new notes.

IV.
Wake up, Tricia, wake up.
It's time to go.
The bell has rang and the game has ended.

Oh, to hell with it!
I'd rather feed
My deluded mind
With morsels of fantasies
So sweet.
Oh, so sweet.

V.
You strut up to me in your full glory,
I want you so bad,
I can't even put it to words.
My heart is filled with your warmth, your radiance
And I reach,
I reach my hand out to touch you so softly.

VI.
Snap!
Life is never what you plan it to be.
You can dream your little dream
But never,
Never go beyond that black box,
You've been confined in.

*

When I'm on the road
Broken bones and a weary soul
I wear my plastic smile
And speak of the shining stars back home

I'll let Cruelty sing you my song
Goodbye, my friend, good night

I don't need your flowers
I don't need your Microsoft CD
So Patrick please let me be
On my own
Far away from your possessive reign

I'll let Cruelty sing you my song
Goodbye, my friend, good night

I'll let Cruelty sing you my song
Insensitivity means well
Broken hearts can be mended
At the touch of The One
Who will never make you cry

I'll let Cruelty sing you my song
Goodbye, my friend, good night